Real friendship: how do we define it or recognize it when we find it (if we find it!)

Talking about friendship can be difficult if your experiences about it are painful, or if you haven't had a good and true friend.


I have loved few people in my life, and my relationships with them although not all the times were romantic, they were enriching. There were also people who caused an enormous impact in my life, sometimes a negative one.

Once, when I studied at university, it happened that I met a guy who was in one of the lectures I had to attend from semestre 1 when i was in semestre 2. His name was Ricardo and he comes from Spain, but also have Hungarian background. This guy was one of the most hadsome guys doing degree with me. He was charming, well spoken, intelligent and good looking, but he had a very negative quality that I just can't accept: He was very arrogant and self-sufficient, but when he knew he heeded something that was out of reach and he knew who could get it, he would treat that person so well and make them feel he really was interested in that person. He had an incredible ability to lie to you and make you feel you were the sexiest or the nicest person in the whole world. But he only dated upper-middle or high class girls who were studying with us.

Ripi, as he liked to be called, proclamed himself to be my friend for about 7 years, even after we finished degree and he left to Work and study in Spain, and eventually marry Emoke, his wife and the mother of his daughter. Emoke, a very beautiful girl form Hungary, seemd also to be nice, sincere and it seemd that she was also my friend.

Two years ago, I was having a very hard time with my boyfriend by those days, and I needed to take a break for few days. It happened that ripi had invited me in few occations to go and visit Spain, etc. But when I phoned in order to ask him if I could go and the reaosns i wanted to stay couple of weeks visiting, and also the fact that i needed to leave the Uk in order to renew my visa, he not just withdrew the invitation but also told me that he never wanted to hear from me again. The reaosn he gave me was that he thought I was still in love with him and that serena was pissed off about it.

This is the way someone who anytime he needed a book, help with essays, advice about girls, a helping hand in hard moments and who I helped with a module he was about to fail before his graduation treated me at the end because he didn't need meanymore. That " friendship" and your time was a lie and a waste of time.

People can spend years calling themselves " friends of yours" and one day throw it all away. When can you then, trust someone?

Ther are also friends who even in the distance, still think of you and write and e-mail or phone you once every 6 months, but try to keep in touch. But only those friends who really got to know and love you, not because of the car you drive, or the house you live in, or the clothes you wear, but because when that one is in pain, or happy, always wants you to be there and enjoy life, drinks, a nice meal, a sunday afternoon riding a bicycle or playing guitar dreaming you are rock stars. I found that friendship too, but it hurt in your bones and blood when you are far far away when you need them to hug you tight and make you feel you are the greatest friend in the whole world. You knew who they were when that day you were sick, they were sitting next to you in hospital, or went to your wedding or graduation ceremony, or phoned you in new year at about 1 am, or if you were in danger and phoned them asking for help, they dropped what they were doing to go and find you wherer you were.

My true friends are a few. They might not go for a pint with me everyday, but they phone, e-mail or text from time to time to make sure that you are still alive and available to go for fun, or to go and see you if you are not feeling well.

If you have one of those: Keep it! that's the biggest treasure you may find in the world!

broken hearted but looking forward to move on and start again

It's been 2 months since he has gone. Normally, it would end and I would never be interested in hearing from him again. He is still hanging around, unsure about his feelings. We wish to be friends forever, but I sometimes think the best thing is not to see each other anymore. I don't know if I will forget what went right and what went wrong, and I don't even know if he ever loved me. I think he never did. People sometimes get involved with you to prove something to themselves, and never think that when they reach that pint in which they won't be able to varry on with it, they will leave and empty space.

In the last 15 years I have loved many people, some are still around, some have gone forever and probably won't ever think about what they have done. One day, when all of us open our hearts and see what we've done to people who loved us, we will wish we could mend it. Some of us will be able to forgive, to forget, to move on, some of us will be able to ask to be forgiven.

He is leaving little by little. I think he already has someone new, but doesn't want to tell. If he does, I'd rather go away from him so he can't see me in pain. But he claims to love me as a friend and says I am the one who listens to what he has to say.

Love hurts and it gets into your bones and your blood. It hurts so much that reminds you how it feels to be alive.

But he has never loved anyone the way I love him...

So my love has gone and my heart closed forever.